Saas--Bahu Relationship

Well.... this always seems to be quite common yet still prevalent topic in today's era. why there is always a clash between a Mother-in-law(MIL) and Daughter-in-law(DIL)? Where does the problem lie?

Lets see how it goes…

To begin with, the guys parents are always concerned about getting a good DIL for their family. When the guy is busy with his own dreams about his future partner, the guys parents are busy with their own thoughts especially the moms who are concerned about the rights they have on their son. When the parents of the guys look for a bride they seem to be so soft in the beginning and the girl feels comfy with her new family.. slowly the situation gets reversed and The moms are worried that soon after marriage their son will be behind his wife, supporting her in all the things that she does and they fear he would leave them. Why this bridge always lies for generations and why is it still continued??

We cant exactly say that it’s the fault of the guy’s mom… cos most of the families now are nuclear or may be 30 years back it was joint family also where only the head of the family or the husband use to work and the wife had to manage the family along with in-laws whoever had been dependant on her… so when her husband is busy with his office and stuffs and when she is expected to take care of the new family a Saas finds it difficult (in olden days) and her only solace would have been her son whom she brings up with love and affection hoping that she can remain with him for life long and even after his marriage. This is where the problem starts. She becomes over possessive cos right from childhood she had been taking care of her son and when he is going to be some other girl’s property she feels insecure and eventually she wants to take over the rule of the house.. to be precise she wants to take over the rights that her DIL possesses on her son.

The DIL on the other hand, who comes from a family where she had been pet for her parents and her siblings and when she gets married she leaves her parents, her siblings and her family for the sake of her husband. This is the condition in an arranged marriage where the Saas is expected to adjust with the new family which her MIL underwent. Even the guys who get the girl to their house expect the same and they feel that they can dominate their wife by confining her to his family and slowly retrieving the contact from her mom’s family. They fail to understand a girl from her part as well…

As simple thing the guys fail to do is that they don’t attempt to think of the pressures the wife undergoes from their point of view. Its obvious that guys love their moms and even the wife doesn’t deny that.. even the girl has mom and she loves her as well.. the sad part here is she will not be able to express her love for her mom in front of others and still in many communities it prevails that the girl’s parents once she is married visit her occasionally in her in-laws place. This adds more frustration to her life.

MIL’s claim that they cant compromise on the rights that they have on their sons… DIL is in physical contact with her husband and with this she feels that she has sole rights on her husband. DIL demand she needs to understand her husband well cos they bothe hail from a different background(in arranged marriage)… so when these requirements are not met there occurs the clash! Neither the DIL nor the MIL wants to lose their rights on the poor husband or the poor son… but what they fail to understand is its their husband or the son who is being affected by this bridge… he either don’t know whom to support and eventually many ruin their life…

Another worst case is that though the MIL’s seem to be broad minded and they understand that their son cant be their rights alone anymore, the relatives who are around the MIL boost up the insecurity that lies with her and make her to become an opponent in their DIL’s life…. Every other MIL fails to understand that they too had been DIL’s in their life and they too underwent same issues when they were DIL.

This is the reason why there occurs misunderstanding between the couple as well. The husband wants the wife to adjust everything and get along with the worse situations as well… it might be easy for him to say but he fails to understand how the wife would feel when she doesn’t receive the support that she expects from the husband. If there is a problem between Saas and Bahu they should talk amongst themselves and they should solve it instead of taking the issues to their son or husband… Remember! Its your husband or son who is going to suffer and not you gus cos of your ego and possessiveness!!!

 So, when the situation is going to change???  Kindly note :

Mother-in-laws--- hereafter you son is your DIL’s property. Hence give them some time to get along and don’t force your DIL’s to get adjusted with your family and tradition and values…. Even you had been in that situation and you too underwent pains as your DIL undergoes with you. So please leave your son and DIL alone so that they would realize that they should get along with the family. The more you restrict the more will be the hatred developed between you and your SON will be the one who will be more pressurized… after all your DIL is your 2nd daughter! your son is for you and he wont leave you at any cost.. that will show the level of faith you have on him. 

Daughter-in-laws--- your husband know you only an year ago or may be only after you guys got engaged… the same difficulty you experience in your life will be the same experienced by the guy’s mother and the guy to accept you completely in their life… it will definitely take some time… so please be patient and your in-laws will surely understand you and especially your husband will love you more when you understand him more and adjust with the new family. Its understandable that you will have lots of dreams in your mind and expectations but they will work when times comes and passes by. He, all of a sudden cant leave his mother and come behind you… when you become a mother you will be more possessive than your MIL is and had been… so please be aware that you will also experience the same when you become a MIL! Give them some time and they will accept you… your husband is yours and give him his time he will get back to you in no time... 

Guys--- understand your mom and your wife and lead a happy life with your family. Neither your mom nor your wife is 100% perfect. When they address their issues to you listen, analyse and then come to a conclusion where the problem lies… do not blindly follow your mom or wife or leave the other… that will ruin your  married life completely! Cos most of the divorces happen cos of the misunderstanding in the families. Try to understand her as she understands and loves you… cos after all you are going to lead a life with your partner after your parents era… even if you want to yell at her, do the same in private and not in front of the family. If you want to support her do the same as well in private and not in front of your mom cos after all they are women and they can go to any extreme and you wont have any idea about their strength!!!

The above mentioned are prevalent still in India to some extent and the reverse case also happens.. that is DILs torturing their MILs to retain their position in the family and guys also go nuclear and live with their wife leaving their parents no matter how good the relation may be.

So understand the value of every relationship and live life to its fullest! let us all follow "

LIVE AND LET LIVE"!!!

  

Mother’s love—the boon of everyone’s life

I take my cab from my home and my cab driver stops for a pickup at East end circle in Bangalore. Exactly by the time my cab reaches there, I encounter to see a kid probably who will be in 4^th or 5^th  std with his schoolbag trying to cross the busy road in the chill weather  by 7.20… he would cross the road with his mom’s guidance and even she will run with him (literally!) to help him in crossing the road J

Another cute scene very near to my house will be where a mom sits with her 7 year old kid waiting for his school bus to come and in the meantime she would have a look at his homework done, his tasks to be done for the day at school and she will talk with him in a friendly way about his school and other stuffs… such a great of love of mothers! I happen to encounter these cute scenes in my everyday life!

It makes me to remind my school days when my mom used to take care of me in the same way and monitor mine and my brother’s everyday education tasks… in spite of her personal problems, professional work pressures and issues with our dad she always used to be calm, composed and she would never lose her temper. Instead she will advice in a calm voice to us to put more efforts on our studies and to come up with bright colors. Not only studies, she has been more friendly to me and my brother in all walks of our life and showed us the base path that we should follow.

Today, we are grown ups and we earn in thousands and lakhs per month and we become busy with our lives. Have we ever thought of making her happy with our earnings?? mothers are the wonderful human in this world created by God as God cant come and help everyone everytime when we are in need of him. She is the one who is being hurt by her own kid(s) physically when we are in her womb,hurt by her husband ‘cos of his mental pressures, mentally when we scold her for our silly and big mistakes which we do.. yet she bears everything for the sake of her child’s world and family and still she smiles at us and spends sleepless nights for her kids

Today.. how many people think of their parents??? Many of us study well and pursue our higher education in abroad or get settled in abroad leaving our parents in our home country. Our parents feel proud when they think of us.. but have we ever thought of being with our parents for their remaining life?? Though they don’t want to be dependant on us, have we ever thought how our parents would feel when their world is not with them?

Many a times we hear mothers saying that my child left me alone or she is with her husband now in a far away place yet thinking of her child! Though  her first child may be her husband, she loves her kids more than she loves herself and her husband.

Especially for the mom’s who have got only son or only daughter how would it be when their kids, for whom they sacrificed  their entire life and still living for them leave them after once they are grown up and get settled in life??? Though the mothers seem to proudly say that their child is earning so much money and is in a healthy society, she will always have the pain in her heart that their child is not going to be with her anymore!

How sad it is to hear this when we think of this? When are we going to realize this in this materialistic world besides our busy schedule? Remember! The same will be the situation for us in future cos of our kids.. the present generation kids are too smart than us!!!

So guys and girls.. please realize the importance of mother and motherhood in your life and do not let your parents suffer cos of you…. Though they may not expect from us, atleast realize that they need our care, attention  and affection in every walks of our life… if you are living abroad, visit your parents esp your mom atleast once in a year and make her feel happy that her kid is with her.

For girls though its impossible to be as close as guys with their moms do spend some time in your life with your mom may be once in a year…. Make your kids to know that they have grannys at home town and make your kids to realize that they have greater relationships in their life. After all we can only repay our parents only with our love and affection and not merely by money or physical help.  

Are We cultured????

Looks shocking when we are asked this question to ourselves. But how many people think that they live in a cultured society? Ok… first of all let me put forth a question.. what is meant by culture(d)? the way we move with the society, the way we dress, we dine, that which shows us we are human beings is cultured. But in today’s fast moving materialistic world the word “culture” seems to have got different meaning in everyone’s life. People living in Metros misunderstand the word “cultured”.

It has become a trend to bring the westernization into our lives and follow the culture that is being followed in the western countries. There are lot of reasons behind this culture to be brought into picture.

The booming of IT industries is one reason for this westernization to come into existence. Since these industries pay their employees a fat pay, they are more inclined to follow the western culture. The culture followed in western countries are different and the way the people being treated there are different. They maintain a healthy social relationships with their fellow men while working. When people who migrate from home country and follow the culture from West side, they fail to understand the healthiness in the culture of their home country. While many of the countries are trying to follow the Indian culture, we Indians go behind the opposite culture and incorporate them in our lives.

Recently, there was a news by CM of Karnataka commenting on the dress code of girls concerning their safety and security in their workplace. Nowadays, women are working on par with men in all the fields. But that doesn’t mean that they can become men! They have limits right from the way they behave in the society to the way they dress themselves. Maintaining a social relationship with fellow men is healthy but without crossing the limits.

And the education and the exposure which the kids of present generation enjoy has improved and hence the graduates from every year is enormously increasing from both the genders. So even girls earn well and hence they have been given a respect in the society. Though this is true to some extent atleast in Metros, they feel that they are not dependant on anybody since they have money in their life. This leads to increase in the number of friends circle through various means such as through social networking sites. These sites are just meant for entertainment and they are found only to be in contact with friends. But these websites are being misused and they are inclined more towards following western culture.

Parents of the present day should take care of their children and keep an eye on their activities. When this responsibility of the parents fails the child gets the complete liberty to chose its own path of life. When parents are busy in saving financial status for the future of their children, children who long for the parental affection chose the way where they get the affection they long for.

Media is another source for bringing up the westernization in today’s world. Internet, email and other electronic gadgets make the children and the teens of present age to get attracted and addicted to the western culture. The olden traditional practices like joint family method, making friends out of our personal circle by chosing them based on their characters have gone with the wind.

Not only women, men are also inclined towards western culture. They consider the people who lead this kind of life as “cultured” and they look at the people who lead a normal life as “nerd”. It should be realized that this “paranormal activity” is not going to help for a longer life.

So how are we going to bring back our traditional values? When are we going to realize that the life we lead is not healthy for a longer life? I am not saying that women should not work at all nor they should earn money and be in the kitchen like olden days. They should be on par with men on all fields and in all walks of life but they should keep up their limits. Whatever sins men do, the society will accept it or it may not mind much. But still the society has not improved yet. It is still narrow minded and it’s the responsibility of the women of this generation too to have an eye on their life in all walks of their life.

Education and its importance in life

I came across this incident in my life while I was in my office. I was leaving my office in the evening to take my cab and suddenly happened to notice two people who were washing the glass windows of our office of each floor. It was a bright sunny day that the evening 4’o clock seemed to be too hot. Inspite of that the workers were hanging in the middle and they were sitting on a seat which was hanging in between from the ground level and washing the doors and windows of the office. And the fact is that they are the ones who are least paid. Why this situation? Don’t they live in this same century and face the same economical crisis as we do? Though we earn more than 50 to 60 K per month find it difficult to make both ends meet. But how do they these people survive in Metros? And we the crooked fellows negotiate the pay for these people for the hardwork they do despite of hot sun or a heavy rain. Why is this discrimination?

Can we conclude that education is the reason for our fat pay ? so if that’s the case why these people have not been provided with the same education? Or atleast a minimum level of graduation where they can earn a decent salary with a decent work?

We, the professionals who always throng on our employers for paying us less. The fact here is that we though earn in lakhs per annum still feel that our earnings are not sufficient to meet today’s economical needs. Whom do these people throng upon? We cozily sit in an AC cubicle and give work only to eyes and hands and end up with mental pressure. Sometimes we don’t do anything and still we are paid for what we have been promised. These poor people don’t demand much as well and they do lot of physical work, yet they are paid less.

So Guys,

Be happy with what you have got and what you have been blessed with.

MONEY ALONE NEVER MATTERS EVERYTHING. There are lot of things in this world which money cant get you in life.

You need not pay the workers more than what they deserve but atleast please don’t negotiate with them in money matters for the kind of job they do.

And above all understand the need of education and lets join our hand together to provide a good education for the children who are really in need of a good education.