Friday, March 30, 2012

Men Vs Women



We all know Adam and Eve existed in this world… lets say they were created by God like us… they came into this materialistic world and we believe that’s how human life came into existence. When God created men and women he created two different worlds which had totally different thoughts in whatever they do. Wasn’t he aware that people wont be happy if they became as one? Or did he purposely created 2 different worlds just to show that there is another world also to look beyond?

Yes… I would say the above statement is true to some extent. I don’t know how many people would have read the book “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” by John Gray where the author beautifully describes who men are and women are. Many of us fail to understand that there are two different world existing in a single world called relationship. When I say about relationship its not only concerned about relationship between a man and women or a boy and a girl… for every relationship to sustain and to maintain a friendly ambience with every individual I personally feel that understanding an individual is important, especially when it comes to blood relationships it is the prime factor for a relationship to sustain for life long.
I have heard guys saying its really tough to understand what exactly a girl needs and they say that girls cant be satisfied at any point of time. Girls on the other hand say that guys never understand a girl’s world or feelings and always blame them. I have wondered many a times is it really that tough to understand two people of opposite sex? Unfortunately the answer sometimes seems to be true… but I would say that there is solution for every simple problems that these two people face with each other.

Take for example we go out and meet the outside world.. we face many people everyday and learn new things, but they are not always related to us… in real scenario its not the situation… we have to deal with people who mean to us! And in such cases we happen to encounter with different opinions and views which are contradictory to each other. I always wonder how come two people in a relationship of opposite sex blame each other for their difference in opinions! Because we are ready to accept the difficulties we face with our colleagues but not with our own relationships…. When a Manager or a superior says that we are not upto the mark we take it light and think in mind that we have to work hard to show in front of him or her, but when a wife or husband says the same we are not ready to accept it??!! Where does the ego come from? In fact I would say there shouldn’t be ego between people who are in a relationship….

Well… before saying these I would like to see who a guy or a man is, what and how his thoughts are, actions, the way he takes life  etc. and the same way for girls or women too..

For a guy, when he is in childhood he is taken care by his parents like a girl child is taken care. When he attains adolescent he slowly starts maintaining a distance from his family and feels friends as his world. His  requirements become different and he  starts viewing the world in a different way and to be precise he starts living in a world where he sees sentiments as a hindrance, God as non-existing material  and lives in a materialistic world where money and work alone matters him.

On the other hand, girls are in general bound to be family oriented and they abide by the rules of their family… if she is a modern girl who had been brought up in a upper middle class society the so called “socialism” will be less visible with her. She is also brought up with the thought family comes first when  she has to chose between personal life or professional life and this is the trend followed for years and decades together. If a woman is working, even then she is still expected to take care of the family first and then she has to give importance to her profession and she too makes her mind so by the time she is married.

So we can very well see that there is a very large difference in opinion when it comes to people of opposite sex. In this kind of scenario the situation of girls becomes worse when they want their guy’s or partner’s attention and they start arguing and find faults with each other…

So as I said in the beginning, didn't Adam and Eve had misunderstandings? Or for that matter, wouldn't every successful relationships have had arguments in their relationships? Everybody would have had, but that was communicated and understood... For every problem its better to talk and know each other’s expectations . Generally  no individual will like to have advice from each other. When views and opinions are discussed and brought to the notice of the opposite sex problems will be solved and there wont be any nagging by both the genders. 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Today’s Marriage—boon or bane???


My friend called me a few days back and we started sharing our college memories, our wonderful childhood days and suddenly when I spoke about marriage she became mute. I asked the reason behind her silence and she started pouring out from her heart with tears in her eyes… she started telling me what her problem was with her personal life…

My friend’s marriage was an arranged marriage which took place after lot of struggle. Though my friend and her then fiancée were interested in each other they  weren't totally involved with each other. She somehow made her mind that he is for her and she started to change everything for her fiancée before marriage. She made up her mind in such a way that she was even ready to sacrifice her professional life for the sake of her personal life… sounds like a typical Indian womanhood right? :) yes that’s how she is and finally wedding took place.

 Initially she was not able to accept her married life as she was haunted only by the past memories that she underwent before her marriage.  But later she somehow reconciled and she started to live a normal life with her husband. But she felt that something was wrong between them and she didn’t want that issue to bring into picture amongst her in-laws… she has managed to tackle the situation on her own undergoing lot of mental pressures and she was able to somehow find a difference in her personal life ‘cos of her patience and presence of mind….

Though she knew that her husband was not completely happy with her, she made the best of her moments with her husband. It was she who always showed the care and affection and she got mere or sometimes no care in return. Yet she didn’t give up her mind and she believed that she can make a change in her personal life especially in the behavior of her husband towards her.

She had sent lot of letters to him without hurting him asking for his reason behind the silence in his married life with her. When she learnt the reason she was totally upset and she felt that there is no one for her to take care of her hereafter. ‘cos she being an Indian woman who thought that after her mother it will be her husband who will be taking care of her, when she learnt that she cant expect the care love and affection that she expects from her husband, she was heart broken and she started taking life as it came. But she never gave up when it came to taking care of her husband. In fact her husband realized some of her values only after few months of their married life.. still confining himself from being close to her…

When I asked her the reason she said she couldn't find any solid reason behind his silence and he wants to concentrate on career… she though is also career oriented made up her mind that she has to live for her family and she cant completely concentrate on career. But she said she is not able to share her pains with any of his family members as they will feel bad about her life.

Well… here comes my question… whats the reason behind this pathetic condition of today’s modern world? Why do guys or even girls don’t show their complete care and affection? Does this situation happen only in arranged marriage? Or in general is this the trend followed in today’s modern world?

I would say the answers for some the above mentioned questions are yes… as far as I have heard from most of my friends who had arranged marriages, they struggle in their life to find a place in their partner’s heart and life. So does this mean that only people who fell with love and got married to their lovers can alone stay happily as ever in their wedded life too? Cos nowadays guys and even girls earn in laks per month and they expect independency from each other in all the work they do. They lead a life as though they are “living together” with each with mutual consent.

So in this situation, guys expect their partners to be smart mentally rather than physically and they want to have control over their spouse in their life. This could also be said as a reason for insecurity cos nowadays girl are more smart than guys and they will go to any extreme to get their things done.
But on the other hand, there are girls like my friend who, though earn in lakhs, they still follow the same old tradition and expect the mental support of their husbands. But in reality they fail to understand that they may not completely get what they expect from their partners. And today’s male generation consider marriage, kids and family as a barrier in their career and they want to stay away from these “stupid” hurdles in their life. They fail to realize the importance of family and relationships, they also fail to understand that money alone doesn’t matters everything. When girls don’t get the love care and affection they expect from their partners, they tend to commit suicide or try other options and finally end up in divorce. guys try to understand one thing... when a girl marries you she leaves everything for you and comes behind you blindly just for the sake of your family happiness and her parents happiness... when she listens to all your words blindly that doesn't mean that she can't counter attack you by words... she is in fact more smart than you in words... she loves you and your family more than she loves herself and that's why she is still the same in following the old culture when it comes to married life. 

So whose mistake is this? Can we say that only people love each other and get married can lead a happy life? Or can we say, though arranged marriages happen only girls who are beautiful will be accepted by their partners and in-laws and others will experience these situations in their lives?Or all girls and guys life is same in present day? Or finally can we say that it’s the parents mistake who fail to understand their grown up kids what they want in their life? I would say the decision should be left with the children as they are the ones who is going to lead a happy life (may be!) after their parents.

So guys and girls, if you are married, accept it and try to lead a happy life with the partner that was chosen for you by your parents, if not lead a happy life with the partner whom you chose. Never try to hurt anyone for the life which you have got.. cos life is only once and you got to live it to the fullest. There is no point in repelling for whatever you have got in ur life. So realize this and be happy :)

“ Live and let live “