Enough is enough

This might be a long note bear with me but... This could be the voice of any woman or a girl who's out there... Who's not able to raise their voices for the injustice happening in front of them in any form ....be it verbal abuse by family members post marriage or a physical abuse by the society in the form of sexual abuse or domestic abuse by extended family members or step parents or anyone.... 

How many of us bear the abuses done by husband or mother-in-law but still,  to impress others we never raise our voice and keep everything inside and it bursts one day? 

How many of us cry inside our heart and long for a caring shoulder especially from husband to pat us yet it doesn't happen that way???

We've been infused with the thoughts that if you raise your voice against your husband you're a dominant wife... If you raise voice against your in-laws your brought up will be questioned by your in-laws... If you're dominant in your workplace you're a dominant leader... 

We have seen so many Nirbhayas getting justice posthumously after years and years of court hearing yet everyday so many Nirbhayas are raped.... Out of which hardly one or two comes to light... 

We teach girls to shut their mouth when they speak against their parents and we pull girl children in when a guy comes to our home or we see to that a girl or woman wears a proper dress so that other men can walk freely in this society... But how many of us teach our sons to keep their mouth shut when they ogle at girls? Or when they are adamant at home? 

For how many years are we still going to say that men will be men and we need to adjust for the family to keep moving? 

For how many generations are  we going to blame that mother is the sole responsible person in bringing up a child yet the process happens by the fusion of a man and woman???? 

For how many generations will the girl's or daughter-in-law's parents will be blamed for the behaviour of the daughter-in-law yet the husband will never be questioned of his act????

For how many years are we women still going to keep adjusting and finally at the age of 50/60 we say to our children that" I didn't live my life... at least you raise your voice and live your life" which will never ever happen??? 

Raise your voice.... We are not here to impress anyone and finally gain a bad name that we are unfit to be in the family or society.... teach your daughters to not accept whoever or whichever is not right in their eyes! Teach your daughters that their opinion matters and they're respected... teach your daughters to be bold and make their lodge colourful! 

There's a difference between being bold and being fiesty! 

To all the coward men out there , either support your wife / daughter when need arises or keep your ass away so that we will stand for our own justice! 

There's no point in crying after losing a diamond (wife/daughter) by wearing a mask that you're a good son to your mother! Because you're today a parent of a girl child and the way you treat and react to your wife will be the same way you'll be treating, bringing up and you'll be raising your voice for your daughter!

For heaven sake this post is not to bring any sensational news amidst the horrors happening to the women or girls around the country! This is the voice of every other girl and I'm not here to gain any likes for this blog... This is an individual's point of view..  

Gayathri raghuraman

Gayathri : -1930-2017

The day could have been better... waking up was the news that I heard that my grandma was no more! it was 26th Sep 2017... The one who brought me up from 11 months old.... the one who had been mother for me and my brother... I never knew my parents till i was 13 years old... my grandpa had been my father and my grandma my mother... 36 C Old mariamman koil street aabatharanapuram vadalur.. where my life started as a baby girl... I still remember that there used to be a sitout where my grandpa would teach my maths subject... my younger brother was just 1 year old... we never knew how our parents were who were working in mumbai to make both ends meet... my grandpa used to leave me and my brother in school by TVS moped and my brother who refuse to go to school use to get beatings from my grandpa and he used to get ready to school in the nearby temple and leave to school with his feeding bottle... 

my grandma used to figt with my grandpa for being too rude with my brother... but she was the one who used to  be strict... but we were awarded with all the luxuries that anybody could get...grandpa used to get groceries from chettiar kadai.... everyday fresh fruits, vegetables will be bought from the shop sometimes for credit sometimes cash... life moved on...mumbai life... had to miss my step parents.. couldnt get adjusted to the new life.. but bythe time we could adjust we again moved from mumbai to vellore.... a new school, new place again adjustment with kit and kin.. from vellore to polur polur to vadalur <>neyveli... life had seen so many ups and downs with the support of my grandparents... 

i used to sleep with my grandparents on wither side of me.... 

morning avva used to give bed coffee for thatha with the day starting with devotional songs from jaya tv... sreeman narayana... dolayam shala dolayam... and everyday devotional songs  from all the legendary singers... Music classes at home by grandma.... 10th std classes.... brother in 7th std... sending us to school... taking care of our studies... when I had to move to chennai for my studies she was with me and thatha used to take care of his mother paati avva... waking me and vishu up early morning with a coffee and making us to study was her priority... she used to cut vegetables and get us ready by 7 :45 to our maharishi school.... evening she will be waiting near the balcony for our arrival to greet us with snacks and prepare for eevening classes. she will be in the balcony till I finish my tuitions and return home back by 8 and stay awake with me till 11... she had been my backbone for my 12th std... 

i entered into college... she was first met with a major surgery in her life.. Angio.... my 1st day in college 11th July 2005... 10th July 2005 was her surgery in Ramachandra hospital chennai... She was 72 by then.... and the way she used to treat my friends with love, care and affection was irremarkable! day passed as years.... 2009 college pass out... 2010 Wipro job placement.... 2011 Engagement.... i was angry on her for she told me that as soon as she heard about Venkat she decided that he'll be life partner ... i was angry on her when he rejected me and said that i need some time... 

during my wedding she was the elderly sumngali in my family and she slept on the floor while my then future mother-in-law slept on bed.... she saw my ups and downs.... and when i got married she asked a promise from venkat that I should be taken care well... 

When Raksha was born she came to Ramachandra to see the baby and she used to be awake by 3AM to hold the baby in her hands when everybody used to be asleep....thatha used to sing lullaby fro Raksha in her cradle while avva used to take care of my health.... 

only God knows how many times she would have travelled from Mumbai to chennai in spite of her weak health and worse family situations! 

My parents were blessed to get their 59th shanthi done with her blessings.

But today.. she is no more... 

Indian SAAS bahu

I am writing this today as it was cripping me for a very long time....

I happened to watch Neeyanaana and the topic was why girls prefer nuclear family nowadays (going to be married girls) and girls put down their views differently. when it came to the mother's side the first thing a mother said was " we feel bad when a girl takes her husband with her after bringing him up for so many years" and other mother said " why cant you people think us also as your mother"

so here comes my arguement. for the first mother I pose a question : when you have so much insecurity that your son ll be taken by your DIL then why the hell do you get your son married ????? why do you want to spoil your son's life and the girl's life????? is it just because you will be questioned by your society that if your son remains a bachelor????or is it just because your son should sleep with a girl and give her a child and prestige to your life??? or is it just for a prestige issue that you get your son married and torture the girl for life long??? for you mothers I tell you... nowadays girls and guys are smarter than what you think... they want harmony in whatever they doa nd wherever they are...

to the second mom I ask you a question... we think you as a second mother but it is you who fail to think us as a daughter... why do you compare us with your daughter or with your relatives ? why do you suppress us in front of your relatives or why do you want to show the MIL domination????? you have crossed our age and you too had been a DIL and you have become a MIL now... you would also have experienced the same in your young days.... your husband would have been more rigid than compared to the guys of this age. when you ahve experienced so much you must be in a mentality that atleast you should make your son and DIL happy after all they are going to live after your age !

As the tamil saying goes " Thhayiku pin Thaaram" your son will love you first and then only his wife.... then why the HELL Do you always want to show your love and possessiveness when a girl comes to your house???? better let her be happy in her mom's house and even the girl parents will be happier.... except that their girl is unmarried.....



I would like to tell here... My MIL's MIL passed away nearly 15 to 20 years back.. but even now my MIL regrets for having been in a joint family ( with FIL, MIL and Sister in laws and cooking for them )!!!! now she is 62 and she still says that her MIL didnt have the BRAINS to make her(my MIL and FIL) and husband to live alone!!! and when she argues with me she indirectly says that she served her MIL till her last breath.... what is the point in doing that when you have so much hatred in yourMIL still !!!!!????? Is it just to pinpoint me that I am stayingwith my husband and kid alone and you are alone with your husband???? Did I ask you to do so???

My request to all the mothers in this world esp in India..... YOUR SON WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU ALONE IN THIS WORLD NO MATTER HOW WORSE HIS LIFE MAY BE WITH HIS WIFE!!!! believe me!!! you can ask me a question here that how many sons are so like this today??? if thats the case then why the topic is still being talked about???? a relative of mine got her daughter married and the daughter's life changed so badly after her marriage !!!!  her MIL used to sleep or stay in the bedroom until her son sleeps and then leave the bedroom.... then how would the girl feel??? I am asking a question to the mothers... what is the thing that you do in a private room which is meant only for your son and DIL???? wont you feel disgusting to enter in to the private room of a couple????

try to understand that we girls are making so much effort to make you believe that we have come from a decent family and we will never take your son from you because we too have brothers and mothers.... It is in your hands to believe your DIL's that they are wonderful second daughters and they are here in your family to retain and bring harmony to the family....

When you insist that only your family customs should be followed that is when a girl of this generation or any generation for that matter gets annoyed including you!!!! she knows that this is her home and slowly she will adapt and adopt the family traditions and values.... never ever force your DIL that how she should behave ... you will be hated to the core by her!!!! understand that she too has feelings and she too misses her parents more than what you think!!! that is why you are asked to consider her as a daughter and treat her like you treat your daughter! even if you cant treat her like a daughter never treat her like a slave! do not try to show your smartness in front of your relatives! you will be screwed later!!!!

Try to get the mindset that she is the one who has to take care of your son after your age... you cant live for 100 years when thats the case you should make your mind that she is everything for him hereafter.... if you make your DIL happy eventually your son will love you more than what you think!!!! you are responsible for your son's happiness!!!!

we always love you after all you are a mother love us also the same way like you love your daughter! PLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE.........

Personal and Professional life :

We all know the death of a reputed MNC employee in Hyd which was the hot news few days before and I happened to read it completely in a social website about her murder or death. News and media as usual have put their own words and views about her death but only may be she or her family knows what exactly the truth behind her death is.

This is what I read and keeping before you all… she is married to the person whom she loved the most and the reflection of their love has got 2 girl kids in Hyd. A small and happy family for the past 5 years until she took her onsite assignment for more than a year and she was returning to India to take her husband and kids back to US to permanently settle there. That’s when the cruel thing happened and she is no more now.

News and Reuters show that she was having an EMA and that’s what made her to commit suicide… she has texted the guy with so many stuffs… well.. these things apart…

Now comes the Kernel… where does the problem lie for these kind of mishaps? Is it the mistake of the organization who sent her onsite for her job? Or is it the girl’s mistake to take up the assignment due to various reasons (family, professional growth etc..)? or was she not interested  in family life and that’s what made her to take this decision? It was even mentioned that she tried to commit suicide and that was a pre-planned attempt! Why was she stressed out so much?

The problem lies in every individual.. be it the organization, the employees.. anyone for that matter… when someone is given an opportunity to go abroad and work over there who will reject the offer when they will be offered a double salary?! But the fact to be noted is why don’t the org or the individuals think before they take up any assignment?? Nowadays woman and men are equal in all aspects and they earn equally no matter how worse their family may be or even good ! but what they fail to understand is money alone never matters… but we are being made blind and we have fallen for money… guys say that they are working for the benefit of the family.. but a girl would expect her husband to show his love and affection on her.. this is the problem which happens in all the families of everyday’s life… in this modern world we are made to go behind money and today’s economic condition makes a husband and wife to work and as they get busy with their work they tend to lose interest in their personal life and slowly when it comes to a woman, she expects a solace and when that is not happening from her better half and when she gets it from a person who is nowhere related to her that’s where she falls for him…

Though this is not fair on both parts yet both are to be blamed for their acts.. but it’s the responsibility of husband and wife to understand each other and find a solution for their relationship issues. A husband should also realize that his wife needs his attention and he should ensure her he loves her more than he loves his job. After all relationships last longer in life than money and job. A wife should also realize that her husband loves her and she should express her love in such a way that he makes sure that when he is not working he loves his family. She should also understand that her husband is working for the welfare of their family and she should provide an ambience in such a way that her husband takes care of the family when he is not busy with his office work.

Will anybody understand this? Can we avoid more murders and divorces because of family issues?

Couples… please think about this and people who are committed please give a thought before you actually take up a job when you are going to be far from your personal life…

Men Vs Women

We all know Adam and Eve existed in this world… lets say they were created by God like us… they came into this materialistic world and we believe that’s how human life came into existence. When God created men and women he created two different worlds which had totally different thoughts in whatever they do. Wasn’t he aware that people wont be happy if they became as one? Or did he purposely created 2 different worlds just to show that there is another world also to look beyond?

Yes… I would say the above statement is true to some extent. I don’t know how many people would have read the book “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” by John Gray where the author beautifully describes who men are and women are. Many of us fail to understand that there are two different world existing in a single world called relationship. When I say about relationship its not only concerned about relationship between a man and women or a boy and a girl… for every relationship to sustain and to maintain a friendly ambience with every individual I personally feel that understanding an individual is important, especially when it comes to blood relationships it is the prime factor for a relationship to sustain for life long.

I have heard guys saying its really tough to understand what exactly a girl needs and they say that girls cant be satisfied at any point of time. Girls on the other hand say that guys never understand a girl’s world or feelings and always blame them. I have wondered many a times is it really that tough to understand two people of opposite sex? Unfortunately the answer sometimes seems to be true… but I would say that there is solution for every simple problems that these two people face with each other.

Take for example we go out and meet the outside world.. we face many people everyday and learn new things, but they are not always related to us… in real scenario its not the situation… we have to deal with people who mean to us! And in such cases we happen to encounter with different opinions and views which are contradictory to each other. I always wonder how come two people in a relationship of opposite sex blame each other for their difference in opinions! Because we are ready to accept the difficulties we face with our colleagues but not with our own relationships…. When a Manager or a superior says that we are not upto the mark we take it light and think in mind that we have to work hard to show in front of him or her, but when a wife or husband says the same we are not ready to accept it??!! Where does the ego come from? In fact I would say there shouldn’t be ego between people who are in a relationship….

Well… before saying these I would like to see who a guy or a man is, what and how his thoughts are, actions, the way he takes life  etc. and the same way for girls or women too..

For a guy, when he is in childhood he is taken care by his parents like a girl child is taken care. When he attains adolescent he slowly starts maintaining a distance from his family and feels friends as his world. His  requirements become different and he  starts viewing the world in a different way and to be precise he starts living in a world where he sees sentiments as a hindrance, God as non-existing material  and lives in a materialistic world where money and work alone matters him.

On the other hand, girls are in general bound to be family oriented and they abide by the rules of their family… if she is a modern girl who had been brought up in a upper middle class society the so called “socialism” will be less visible with her. She is also brought up with the thought family comes first when  she has to chose between personal life or professional life and this is the trend followed for years and decades together. If a woman is working, even then she is still expected to take care of the family first and then she has to give importance to her profession and she too makes her mind so by the time she is married.

So we can very well see that there is a very large difference in opinion when it comes to people of opposite sex. In this kind of scenario the situation of girls becomes worse when they want their guy’s or partner’s attention and they start arguing and find faults with each other…

So as I said in the beginning, didn't Adam and Eve had misunderstandings? Or for that matter, wouldn't every successful relationships have had arguments in their relationships? Everybody would have had, but that was communicated and understood... For every problem its better to talk and know each other’s expectations . Generally  no individual will like to have advice from each other. When views and opinions are discussed and brought to the notice of the opposite sex problems will be solved and there wont be any nagging by both the genders. 

Today’s Marriage—boon or bane???

My friend called me a few days back and we started sharing our college memories, our wonderful childhood days and suddenly when I spoke about marriage she became mute. I asked the reason behind her silence and she started pouring out from her heart with tears in her eyes… she started telling me what her problem was with her personal life…

My friend’s marriage was an arranged marriage which took place after lot of struggle. Though my friend and her then fiancée were interested in each other they  weren't totally involved with each other. She somehow made her mind that he is for her and she started to change everything for her fiancée before marriage. She made up her mind in such a way that she was even ready to sacrifice her professional life for the sake of her personal life… sounds like a typical Indian womanhood right? :) yes that’s how she is and finally wedding took place.

 Initially she was not able to accept her married life as she was haunted only by the past memories that she underwent before her marriage.  But later she somehow reconciled and she started to live a normal life with her husband. But she felt that something was wrong between them and she didn’t want that issue to bring into picture amongst her in-laws… she has managed to tackle the situation on her own undergoing lot of mental pressures and she was able to somehow find a difference in her personal life ‘cos of her patience and presence of mind….

Though she knew that her husband was not completely happy with her, she made the best of her moments with her husband. It was she who always showed the care and affection and she got mere or sometimes no care in return. Yet she didn’t give up her mind and she believed that she can make a change in her personal life especially in the behavior of her husband towards her.

She had sent lot of letters to him without hurting him asking for his reason behind the silence in his married life with her. When she learnt the reason she was totally upset and she felt that there is no one for her to take care of her hereafter. ‘cos she being an Indian woman who thought that after her mother it will be her husband who will be taking care of her, when she learnt that she cant expect the care love and affection that she expects from her husband, she was heart broken and she started taking life as it came. But she never gave up when it came to taking care of her husband. In fact her husband realized some of her values only after few months of their married life.. still confining himself from being close to her…

When I asked her the reason she said she couldn't find any solid reason behind his silence and he wants to concentrate on career… she though is also career oriented made up her mind that she has to live for her family and she cant completely concentrate on career. But she said she is not able to share her pains with any of his family members as they will feel bad about her life.

Well… here comes my question… whats the reason behind this pathetic condition of today’s modern world? Why do guys or even girls don’t show their complete care and affection? Does this situation happen only in arranged marriage? Or in general is this the trend followed in today’s modern world?

I would say the answers for some the above mentioned questions are yes… as far as I have heard from most of my friends who had arranged marriages, they struggle in their life to find a place in their partner’s heart and life. So does this mean that only people who fell with love and got married to their lovers can alone stay happily as ever in their wedded life too? Cos nowadays guys and even girls earn in laks per month and they expect independency from each other in all the work they do. They lead a life as though they are “living together” with each with mutual consent.

So in this situation, guys expect their partners to be smart mentally rather than physically and they want to have control over their spouse in their life. This could also be said as a reason for insecurity cos nowadays girl are more smart than guys and they will go to any extreme to get their things done.

But on the other hand, there are girls like my friend who, though earn in lakhs, they still follow the same old tradition and expect the mental support of their husbands. But in reality they fail to understand that they may not completely get what they expect from their partners. And today’s male generation consider marriage, kids and family as a barrier in their career and they want to stay away from these “stupid” hurdles in their life. They fail to realize the importance of family and relationships, they also fail to understand that money alone doesn’t matters everything. When girls don’t get the love care and affection they expect from their partners, they tend to commit suicide or try other options and finally end up in divorce. guys try to understand one thing... when a girl marries you she leaves everything for you and comes behind you blindly just for the sake of your family happiness and her parents happiness... when she listens to all your words blindly that doesn't mean that she can't counter attack you by words... she is in fact more smart than you in words... she loves you and your family more than she loves herself and that's why she is still the same in following the old culture when it comes to married life. 

So whose mistake is this? Can we say that only people love each other and get married can lead a happy life? Or can we say, though arranged marriages happen only girls who are beautiful will be accepted by their partners and in-laws and others will experience these situations in their lives?Or all girls and guys life is same in present day? Or finally can we say that it’s the parents mistake who fail to understand their grown up kids what they want in their life? I would say the decision should be left with the children as they are the ones who is going to lead a happy life (may be!) after their parents.

So guys and girls, if you are married, accept it and try to lead a happy life with the partner that was chosen for you by your parents, if not lead a happy life with the partner whom you chose. Never try to hurt anyone for the life which you have got.. cos life is only once and you got to live it to the fullest. There is no point in repelling for whatever you have got in ur life. So realize this and be happy :)

“ Live and let live “ 

Is this our India???

“India Deadliest in place in the world for a girl child”…. This was the news published in The Times Of India. I was literally shocked when I saw the news! What kind of a country we are living in?? is it not a  shame on India to know that it’s the DEADLIEST PLACE for a girl child to be born or live in?? why only female foetus is aborted though most of the health care centres have banned the gender discrimination when the foetus is in its mother’s womb?? Whats the reason behind such high female foeticides??

Women are the genre who work harder  than men and still they are given only a small due in the society. We might think that women nowadays are growing on a faster pace in the growth ladder… when this is the situation on one hand on the other hand woman are mutely suffering the violence afflicted on them by their own family members. Their path is full of roadblocks. The sex ratio of India still shows that the Indian society is prejudiced against female.  

The statistics shows that there is 56 male child deaths for every 100 female child deaths! Though we stand better than other countries such as China, Pakistan and even the cruel countries like Iran and Iraq, and Afghanistan for that matter, still India is considered to be the worst place for a girl child to live in!

I really wonder is this the same country which had Ms.Indra Gandhi as  first women Prime Minister?? Is this the same country which had several Indian Women such as Dr.Muthulakshmi Who was India’s first woman doctor?? Or is this the same country which showed Kiran Bedi to the world about woman power on par with men??

Even after giving several women legends to the world why India still alone stands on the first place for a female foeticide?? Why cant it use the same woman power to make India the most developed country in the world by 2020 as dreamt by former president Dr.APJ Abdul Kalam?

Well, now its time to show how many girls(aged between 5 to 15) have been killed in the recent times. If we all have followed the news “ Aarushi’s murder by her own parents”. I wonder whether they are her parents who gave birth to her! And in the recent times there had been several news reg female foeticide esp girl child of the age between 5 to 15. Why is the situation so?? Of course there are also several reasons such as malnutrition, lack of adequate health care, lack of education and emotional well being. But these doesn’t seem to be a sole cause for a female foeticide! There are lot of other reason and one of the reason behind female foeticide  in India is Dowry and this is the reason why most of the girl children are killed at the root.

You morone, insane parents! If you are so scared about dowry better kill a male child rather than killing a female child. Its because of the male genre the female child experiences lot of issues in the society. And actually Dowry is a kind of beggary where the poor guy’s parents are not in a position to get a penny for their male child and they are expecting the girl child’s parents to offer charity for them. But a small difference is it’s a “decent begging ” .

The fact that Dowry came into existence was that in olden days the girl who gets married was given a certain amount as a gift from her parents  and she can use that money for her future when she needs. It was given to help her children and her family in dire need. Slowly the situation changed and now giving dowry is considered to be a prestige issue amongst both the parents. If a girl is gifted heavily she is treated well otherwise she has to lose her life.

Another reason behind this issue is lack of proper education about health. A girl or a woman works nearly 16 hours a day in rural India (in southern parts of India a woman nearly works for 18 hours in the fields at the time of reap!) and she doesn’t fails to get the proper nutrition for her age. Women of our country are allowed to eat after all the family members have taken their food and she is left out with the remains of whatever had been prepared and consequently she lacks nutrition.

Rural Indian girl kids are married at a very young age and they are made to bear a child when their reproductive systems are not even matured to bear a kid! Though it is sad to hear this issue many people fail to understand the importance of a girl child’s health and without proper knowledge about sex they are even made to work as sex traffickers!

I once happened to read an article where a little kid (hardly 10 year old) had mentioned how she got caught with the sex traffickers and how  she was  being used until she was rescued by the rescue team. She was made to work (as a street walker for 16 hours a day and her genitals were stitched whenever she lost her virginity!( Imagine a 10 year old kid’s health and the cruel crooked mind of heartless men!!!) 

If you think that the girl child is not going to be of use anymore then the same would have been thought by your mother as well when you were born. But your mother delivered you happily and now you don’t want a girl child. Whats the guarantee that if you deliver a male baby he will be with you for life long?? HE WILL BE THE ONE TO KILL YOU FIRST FOR THE SAKE OF MONEY!!! BEWARE!!!  And you being a woman how can you even think of killing a child? You know the pain you underwent while delivering that innocent kid.    

How shame on us it is to even think of killing a girl child when we know the values of girl child in a society. Then  how dare we say that we are a cultured country where we live with morality and values? Is this the morality that has been taught to us? Female foeticide doesn’t happen only in rural areas.. even in urban areas girl child is being abducted for various reasons…. There are parents still in urban who literally carve for male child after giving births to girl child!!!

And another factor is sexual abuse L which is another worst thing that is happening in India recently. In metros esp is Delhi and Bangalore a girl cant walk freely even at the  early hours. This had been happening in Delhi (the CAPITAL OF INDIA) and everyday a girl is physically abused and killed. If you guys want to be trafficked then follow bestiality!

I read an article about the marriages that happen in various communities and I glanced through an article where I read a certain community allows polygamy(many marriages) legally!  And you could easily imagine the population of the community and eventually the population of that country…

Someone told me that nowadays guys don’t find good girls to get married.. how will they get if every 100^th female child is killed? Then a situation will occur where girls follow polygamy. 

A statistics shows that a female murder happens for every 66 minutes  everyday! For every 3.5 minutes a crime is committed against women in India!

Statistics shows that 1 woman is raped every 32 minutes and 1 woman is sexually harassed every 12 minutes! Everyday 31 girls are being trafficked and 1 woman or girl is trafficked every 46 minutes! And the most shocking statistics is that 1 woman is being murdered due to dowry for every 66 minutes!!

A film called “mathrubhoomi” depicts the condition of men when there are no girls in that world. Only when that situation happens people will realize the importance of woman and womanhood.

A kind note to all mothers :

Let us realize atleast from now on girl child is not a liability but an asset to every family…  since you were considered as an asset by your mother you were allowed to step into this beautiful world and how would it be fair if you think that a girl child is a liability in your life alone? And don’t think high of yourself when you deliver a male baby! Cos you are at a higher risk when you will be harassed by your own son!

Educate every girl child… an educated girl child is more in demand than an educated guy.

"Live and Let Live"

Saas--Bahu Relationship

Well.... this always seems to be quite common yet still prevalent topic in today's era. why there is always a clash between a Mother-in-law(MIL) and Daughter-in-law(DIL)? Where does the problem lie?

Lets see how it goes…

To begin with, the guys parents are always concerned about getting a good DIL for their family. When the guy is busy with his own dreams about his future partner, the guys parents are busy with their own thoughts especially the moms who are concerned about the rights they have on their son. When the parents of the guys look for a bride they seem to be so soft in the beginning and the girl feels comfy with her new family.. slowly the situation gets reversed and The moms are worried that soon after marriage their son will be behind his wife, supporting her in all the things that she does and they fear he would leave them. Why this bridge always lies for generations and why is it still continued??

We cant exactly say that it’s the fault of the guy’s mom… cos most of the families now are nuclear or may be 30 years back it was joint family also where only the head of the family or the husband use to work and the wife had to manage the family along with in-laws whoever had been dependant on her… so when her husband is busy with his office and stuffs and when she is expected to take care of the new family a Saas finds it difficult (in olden days) and her only solace would have been her son whom she brings up with love and affection hoping that she can remain with him for life long and even after his marriage. This is where the problem starts. She becomes over possessive cos right from childhood she had been taking care of her son and when he is going to be some other girl’s property she feels insecure and eventually she wants to take over the rule of the house.. to be precise she wants to take over the rights that her DIL possesses on her son.

The DIL on the other hand, who comes from a family where she had been pet for her parents and her siblings and when she gets married she leaves her parents, her siblings and her family for the sake of her husband. This is the condition in an arranged marriage where the Saas is expected to adjust with the new family which her MIL underwent. Even the guys who get the girl to their house expect the same and they feel that they can dominate their wife by confining her to his family and slowly retrieving the contact from her mom’s family. They fail to understand a girl from her part as well…

As simple thing the guys fail to do is that they don’t attempt to think of the pressures the wife undergoes from their point of view. Its obvious that guys love their moms and even the wife doesn’t deny that.. even the girl has mom and she loves her as well.. the sad part here is she will not be able to express her love for her mom in front of others and still in many communities it prevails that the girl’s parents once she is married visit her occasionally in her in-laws place. This adds more frustration to her life.

MIL’s claim that they cant compromise on the rights that they have on their sons… DIL is in physical contact with her husband and with this she feels that she has sole rights on her husband. DIL demand she needs to understand her husband well cos they bothe hail from a different background(in arranged marriage)… so when these requirements are not met there occurs the clash! Neither the DIL nor the MIL wants to lose their rights on the poor husband or the poor son… but what they fail to understand is its their husband or the son who is being affected by this bridge… he either don’t know whom to support and eventually many ruin their life…

Another worst case is that though the MIL’s seem to be broad minded and they understand that their son cant be their rights alone anymore, the relatives who are around the MIL boost up the insecurity that lies with her and make her to become an opponent in their DIL’s life…. Every other MIL fails to understand that they too had been DIL’s in their life and they too underwent same issues when they were DIL.

This is the reason why there occurs misunderstanding between the couple as well. The husband wants the wife to adjust everything and get along with the worse situations as well… it might be easy for him to say but he fails to understand how the wife would feel when she doesn’t receive the support that she expects from the husband. If there is a problem between Saas and Bahu they should talk amongst themselves and they should solve it instead of taking the issues to their son or husband… Remember! Its your husband or son who is going to suffer and not you gus cos of your ego and possessiveness!!!

 So, when the situation is going to change???  Kindly note :

Mother-in-laws--- hereafter you son is your DIL’s property. Hence give them some time to get along and don’t force your DIL’s to get adjusted with your family and tradition and values…. Even you had been in that situation and you too underwent pains as your DIL undergoes with you. So please leave your son and DIL alone so that they would realize that they should get along with the family. The more you restrict the more will be the hatred developed between you and your SON will be the one who will be more pressurized… after all your DIL is your 2nd daughter! your son is for you and he wont leave you at any cost.. that will show the level of faith you have on him. 

Daughter-in-laws--- your husband know you only an year ago or may be only after you guys got engaged… the same difficulty you experience in your life will be the same experienced by the guy’s mother and the guy to accept you completely in their life… it will definitely take some time… so please be patient and your in-laws will surely understand you and especially your husband will love you more when you understand him more and adjust with the new family. Its understandable that you will have lots of dreams in your mind and expectations but they will work when times comes and passes by. He, all of a sudden cant leave his mother and come behind you… when you become a mother you will be more possessive than your MIL is and had been… so please be aware that you will also experience the same when you become a MIL! Give them some time and they will accept you… your husband is yours and give him his time he will get back to you in no time... 

Guys--- understand your mom and your wife and lead a happy life with your family. Neither your mom nor your wife is 100% perfect. When they address their issues to you listen, analyse and then come to a conclusion where the problem lies… do not blindly follow your mom or wife or leave the other… that will ruin your  married life completely! Cos most of the divorces happen cos of the misunderstanding in the families. Try to understand her as she understands and loves you… cos after all you are going to lead a life with your partner after your parents era… even if you want to yell at her, do the same in private and not in front of the family. If you want to support her do the same as well in private and not in front of your mom cos after all they are women and they can go to any extreme and you wont have any idea about their strength!!!

The above mentioned are prevalent still in India to some extent and the reverse case also happens.. that is DILs torturing their MILs to retain their position in the family and guys also go nuclear and live with their wife leaving their parents no matter how good the relation may be.

So understand the value of every relationship and live life to its fullest! let us all follow "

LIVE AND LET LIVE"!!!

  

Mother’s love—the boon of everyone’s life

I take my cab from my home and my cab driver stops for a pickup at East end circle in Bangalore. Exactly by the time my cab reaches there, I encounter to see a kid probably who will be in 4^th or 5^th  std with his schoolbag trying to cross the busy road in the chill weather  by 7.20… he would cross the road with his mom’s guidance and even she will run with him (literally!) to help him in crossing the road J

Another cute scene very near to my house will be where a mom sits with her 7 year old kid waiting for his school bus to come and in the meantime she would have a look at his homework done, his tasks to be done for the day at school and she will talk with him in a friendly way about his school and other stuffs… such a great of love of mothers! I happen to encounter these cute scenes in my everyday life!

It makes me to remind my school days when my mom used to take care of me in the same way and monitor mine and my brother’s everyday education tasks… in spite of her personal problems, professional work pressures and issues with our dad she always used to be calm, composed and she would never lose her temper. Instead she will advice in a calm voice to us to put more efforts on our studies and to come up with bright colors. Not only studies, she has been more friendly to me and my brother in all walks of our life and showed us the base path that we should follow.

Today, we are grown ups and we earn in thousands and lakhs per month and we become busy with our lives. Have we ever thought of making her happy with our earnings?? mothers are the wonderful human in this world created by God as God cant come and help everyone everytime when we are in need of him. She is the one who is being hurt by her own kid(s) physically when we are in her womb,hurt by her husband ‘cos of his mental pressures, mentally when we scold her for our silly and big mistakes which we do.. yet she bears everything for the sake of her child’s world and family and still she smiles at us and spends sleepless nights for her kids

Today.. how many people think of their parents??? Many of us study well and pursue our higher education in abroad or get settled in abroad leaving our parents in our home country. Our parents feel proud when they think of us.. but have we ever thought of being with our parents for their remaining life?? Though they don’t want to be dependant on us, have we ever thought how our parents would feel when their world is not with them?

Many a times we hear mothers saying that my child left me alone or she is with her husband now in a far away place yet thinking of her child! Though  her first child may be her husband, she loves her kids more than she loves herself and her husband.

Especially for the mom’s who have got only son or only daughter how would it be when their kids, for whom they sacrificed  their entire life and still living for them leave them after once they are grown up and get settled in life??? Though the mothers seem to proudly say that their child is earning so much money and is in a healthy society, she will always have the pain in her heart that their child is not going to be with her anymore!

How sad it is to hear this when we think of this? When are we going to realize this in this materialistic world besides our busy schedule? Remember! The same will be the situation for us in future cos of our kids.. the present generation kids are too smart than us!!!

So guys and girls.. please realize the importance of mother and motherhood in your life and do not let your parents suffer cos of you…. Though they may not expect from us, atleast realize that they need our care, attention  and affection in every walks of our life… if you are living abroad, visit your parents esp your mom atleast once in a year and make her feel happy that her kid is with her.

For girls though its impossible to be as close as guys with their moms do spend some time in your life with your mom may be once in a year…. Make your kids to know that they have grannys at home town and make your kids to realize that they have greater relationships in their life. After all we can only repay our parents only with our love and affection and not merely by money or physical help.  

Are We cultured????

Looks shocking when we are asked this question to ourselves. But how many people think that they live in a cultured society? Ok… first of all let me put forth a question.. what is meant by culture(d)? the way we move with the society, the way we dress, we dine, that which shows us we are human beings is cultured. But in today’s fast moving materialistic world the word “culture” seems to have got different meaning in everyone’s life. People living in Metros misunderstand the word “cultured”.

It has become a trend to bring the westernization into our lives and follow the culture that is being followed in the western countries. There are lot of reasons behind this culture to be brought into picture.

The booming of IT industries is one reason for this westernization to come into existence. Since these industries pay their employees a fat pay, they are more inclined to follow the western culture. The culture followed in western countries are different and the way the people being treated there are different. They maintain a healthy social relationships with their fellow men while working. When people who migrate from home country and follow the culture from West side, they fail to understand the healthiness in the culture of their home country. While many of the countries are trying to follow the Indian culture, we Indians go behind the opposite culture and incorporate them in our lives.

Recently, there was a news by CM of Karnataka commenting on the dress code of girls concerning their safety and security in their workplace. Nowadays, women are working on par with men in all the fields. But that doesn’t mean that they can become men! They have limits right from the way they behave in the society to the way they dress themselves. Maintaining a social relationship with fellow men is healthy but without crossing the limits.

And the education and the exposure which the kids of present generation enjoy has improved and hence the graduates from every year is enormously increasing from both the genders. So even girls earn well and hence they have been given a respect in the society. Though this is true to some extent atleast in Metros, they feel that they are not dependant on anybody since they have money in their life. This leads to increase in the number of friends circle through various means such as through social networking sites. These sites are just meant for entertainment and they are found only to be in contact with friends. But these websites are being misused and they are inclined more towards following western culture.

Parents of the present day should take care of their children and keep an eye on their activities. When this responsibility of the parents fails the child gets the complete liberty to chose its own path of life. When parents are busy in saving financial status for the future of their children, children who long for the parental affection chose the way where they get the affection they long for.

Media is another source for bringing up the westernization in today’s world. Internet, email and other electronic gadgets make the children and the teens of present age to get attracted and addicted to the western culture. The olden traditional practices like joint family method, making friends out of our personal circle by chosing them based on their characters have gone with the wind.

Not only women, men are also inclined towards western culture. They consider the people who lead this kind of life as “cultured” and they look at the people who lead a normal life as “nerd”. It should be realized that this “paranormal activity” is not going to help for a longer life.

So how are we going to bring back our traditional values? When are we going to realize that the life we lead is not healthy for a longer life? I am not saying that women should not work at all nor they should earn money and be in the kitchen like olden days. They should be on par with men on all fields and in all walks of life but they should keep up their limits. Whatever sins men do, the society will accept it or it may not mind much. But still the society has not improved yet. It is still narrow minded and it’s the responsibility of the women of this generation too to have an eye on their life in all walks of their life.

Education and its importance in life

I came across this incident in my life while I was in my office. I was leaving my office in the evening to take my cab and suddenly happened to notice two people who were washing the glass windows of our office of each floor. It was a bright sunny day that the evening 4’o clock seemed to be too hot. Inspite of that the workers were hanging in the middle and they were sitting on a seat which was hanging in between from the ground level and washing the doors and windows of the office. And the fact is that they are the ones who are least paid. Why this situation? Don’t they live in this same century and face the same economical crisis as we do? Though we earn more than 50 to 60 K per month find it difficult to make both ends meet. But how do they these people survive in Metros? And we the crooked fellows negotiate the pay for these people for the hardwork they do despite of hot sun or a heavy rain. Why is this discrimination?

Can we conclude that education is the reason for our fat pay ? so if that’s the case why these people have not been provided with the same education? Or atleast a minimum level of graduation where they can earn a decent salary with a decent work?

We, the professionals who always throng on our employers for paying us less. The fact here is that we though earn in lakhs per annum still feel that our earnings are not sufficient to meet today’s economical needs. Whom do these people throng upon? We cozily sit in an AC cubicle and give work only to eyes and hands and end up with mental pressure. Sometimes we don’t do anything and still we are paid for what we have been promised. These poor people don’t demand much as well and they do lot of physical work, yet they are paid less.

So Guys,

Be happy with what you have got and what you have been blessed with.

MONEY ALONE NEVER MATTERS EVERYTHING. There are lot of things in this world which money cant get you in life.

You need not pay the workers more than what they deserve but atleast please don’t negotiate with them in money matters for the kind of job they do.

And above all understand the need of education and lets join our hand together to provide a good education for the children who are really in need of a good education.