Monday, January 16, 2012

Saas--Bahu Relationship

Well.... this always seems to be quite common yet still prevalent topic in today's era. why there is always a clash between a Mother-in-law(MIL) and Daughter-in-law(DIL)? Where does the problem lie?

Lets see how it goes…

To begin with, the guys parents are always concerned about getting a good DIL for their family. When the guy is busy with his own dreams about his future partner, the guys parents are busy with their own thoughts especially the moms who are concerned about the rights they have on their son. When the parents of the guys look for a bride they seem to be so soft in the beginning and the girl feels comfy with her new family.. slowly the situation gets reversed and The moms are worried that soon after marriage their son will be behind his wife, supporting her in all the things that she does and they fear he would leave them. Why this bridge always lies for generations and why is it still continued??

We cant exactly say that it’s the fault of the guy’s mom… cos most of the families now are nuclear or may be 30 years back it was joint family also where only the head of the family or the husband use to work and the wife had to manage the family along with in-laws whoever had been dependant on her… so when her husband is busy with his office and stuffs and when she is expected to take care of the new family a Saas finds it difficult (in olden days) and her only solace would have been her son whom she brings up with love and affection hoping that she can remain with him for life long and even after his marriage. This is where the problem starts. She becomes over possessive cos right from childhood she had been taking care of her son and when he is going to be some other girl’s property she feels insecure and eventually she wants to take over the rule of the house.. to be precise she wants to take over the rights that her DIL possesses on her son.

The DIL on the other hand, who comes from a family where she had been pet for her parents and her siblings and when she gets married she leaves her parents, her siblings and her family for the sake of her husband. This is the condition in an arranged marriage where the Saas is expected to adjust with the new family which her MIL underwent. Even the guys who get the girl to their house expect the same and they feel that they can dominate their wife by confining her to his family and slowly retrieving the contact from her mom’s family. They fail to understand a girl from her part as well…

As simple thing the guys fail to do is that they don’t attempt to think of the pressures the wife undergoes from their point of view. Its obvious that guys love their moms and even the wife doesn’t deny that.. even the girl has mom and she loves her as well.. the sad part here is she will not be able to express her love for her mom in front of others and still in many communities it prevails that the girl’s parents once she is married visit her occasionally in her in-laws place. This adds more frustration to her life.

MIL’s claim that they cant compromise on the rights that they have on their sons… DIL is in physical contact with her husband and with this she feels that she has sole rights on her husband. DIL demand she needs to understand her husband well cos they bothe hail from a different background(in arranged marriage)… so when these requirements are not met there occurs the clash! Neither the DIL nor the MIL wants to lose their rights on the poor husband or the poor son… but what they fail to understand is its their husband or the son who is being affected by this bridge… he either don’t know whom to support and eventually many ruin their life…

Another worst case is that though the MIL’s seem to be broad minded and they understand that their son cant be their rights alone anymore, the relatives who are around the MIL boost up the insecurity that lies with her and make her to become an opponent in their DIL’s life…. Every other MIL fails to understand that they too had been DIL’s in their life and they too underwent same issues when they were DIL.

This is the reason why there occurs misunderstanding between the couple as well. The husband wants the wife to adjust everything and get along with the worse situations as well… it might be easy for him to say but he fails to understand how the wife would feel when she doesn’t receive the support that she expects from the husband. If there is a problem between Saas and Bahu they should talk amongst themselves and they should solve it instead of taking the issues to their son or husband… Remember! Its your husband or son who is going to suffer and not you gus cos of your ego and possessiveness!!!

 So, when the situation is going to change???  Kindly note :

Mother-in-laws--- hereafter you son is your DIL’s property. Hence give them some time to get along and don’t force your DIL’s to get adjusted with your family and tradition and values…. Even you had been in that situation and you too underwent pains as your DIL undergoes with you. So please leave your son and DIL alone so that they would realize that they should get along with the family. The more you restrict the more will be the hatred developed between you and your SON will be the one who will be more pressurized… after all your DIL is your 2nd daughter! your son is for you and he wont leave you at any cost.. that will show the level of faith you have on him. 

Daughter-in-laws--- your husband know you only an year ago or may be only after you guys got engaged… the same difficulty you experience in your life will be the same experienced by the guy’s mother and the guy to accept you completely in their life… it will definitely take some time… so please be patient and your in-laws will surely understand you and especially your husband will love you more when you understand him more and adjust with the new family. Its understandable that you will have lots of dreams in your mind and expectations but they will work when times comes and passes by. He, all of a sudden cant leave his mother and come behind you… when you become a mother you will be more possessive than your MIL is and had been… so please be aware that you will also experience the same when you become a MIL! Give them some time and they will accept you… your husband is yours and give him his time he will get back to you in no time... 

Guys--- understand your mom and your wife and lead a happy life with your family. Neither your mom nor your wife is 100% perfect. When they address their issues to you listen, analyse and then come to a conclusion where the problem lies… do not blindly follow your mom or wife or leave the other… that will ruin your  married life completely! Cos most of the divorces happen cos of the misunderstanding in the families. Try to understand her as she understands and loves you… cos after all you are going to lead a life with your partner after your parents era… even if you want to yell at her, do the same in private and not in front of the family. If you want to support her do the same as well in private and not in front of your mom cos after all they are women and they can go to any extreme and you wont have any idea about their strength!!!

The above mentioned are prevalent still in India to some extent and the reverse case also happens.. that is DILs torturing their MILs to retain their position in the family and guys also go nuclear and live with their wife leaving their parents no matter how good the relation may be.

So understand the value of every relationship and live life to its fullest! let us all follow "


No comments:

Post a Comment