My friend called me a few days back and we started sharing our college memories, our wonderful childhood days and suddenly when I spoke about marriage she became mute. I asked the reason behind her silence and she started pouring out from her heart with tears in her eyes… she started telling me what her problem was with her personal life…
My friend’s marriage was an arranged marriage which took place after lot of struggle. Though my friend and her then fiancée were interested in each other they weren't totally involved with each other. She somehow made her mind that he is for her and she started to change everything for her fiancée before marriage. She made up her mind in such a way that she was even ready to sacrifice her professional life for the sake of her personal life… sounds like a typical Indian womanhood right? :) yes that’s how she is and finally wedding took place.
Initially she was not able to accept her married life as she was haunted only by the past memories that she underwent before her marriage. But later she somehow reconciled and she started to live a normal life with her husband. But she felt that something was wrong between them and she didn’t want that issue to bring into picture amongst her in-laws… she has managed to tackle the situation on her own undergoing lot of mental pressures and she was able to somehow find a difference in her personal life ‘cos of her patience and presence of mind….
Though she knew that her husband was not completely happy with her, she made the best of her moments with her husband. It was she who always showed the care and affection and she got mere or sometimes no care in return. Yet she didn’t give up her mind and she believed that she can make a change in her personal life especially in the behavior of her husband towards her.
She had sent lot of letters to him without hurting him asking for his reason behind the silence in his married life with her. When she learnt the reason she was totally upset and she felt that there is no one for her to take care of her hereafter. ‘cos she being an Indian woman who thought that after her mother it will be her husband who will be taking care of her, when she learnt that she cant expect the care love and affection that she expects from her husband, she was heart broken and she started taking life as it came. But she never gave up when it came to taking care of her husband. In fact her husband realized some of her values only after few months of their married life.. still confining himself from being close to her…
When I asked her the reason she said she couldn't find any solid reason behind his silence and he wants to concentrate on career… she though is also career oriented made up her mind that she has to live for her family and she cant completely concentrate on career. But she said she is not able to share her pains with any of his family members as they will feel bad about her life.
Well… here comes my question… whats the reason behind this pathetic condition of today’s modern world? Why do guys or even girls don’t show their complete care and affection? Does this situation happen only in arranged marriage? Or in general is this the trend followed in today’s modern world?
I would say the answers for some the above mentioned questions are yes… as far as I have heard from most of my friends who had arranged marriages, they struggle in their life to find a place in their partner’s heart and life. So does this mean that only people who fell with love and got married to their lovers can alone stay happily as ever in their wedded life too? Cos nowadays guys and even girls earn in laks per month and they expect independency from each other in all the work they do. They lead a life as though they are “living together” with each with mutual consent.
So in this situation, guys expect their partners to be smart mentally rather than physically and they want to have control over their spouse in their life. This could also be said as a reason for insecurity cos nowadays girl are more smart than guys and they will go to any extreme to get their things done.
But on the other hand, there are girls like my friend who, though earn in lakhs, they still follow the same old tradition and expect the mental support of their husbands. But in reality they fail to understand that they may not completely get what they expect from their partners. And today’s male generation consider marriage, kids and family as a barrier in their career and they want to stay away from these “stupid” hurdles in their life. They fail to realize the importance of family and relationships, they also fail to understand that money alone doesn’t matters everything. When girls don’t get the love care and affection they expect from their partners, they tend to commit suicide or try other options and finally end up in divorce. guys try to understand one thing... when a girl marries you she leaves everything for you and comes behind you blindly just for the sake of your family happiness and her parents happiness... when she listens to all your words blindly that doesn't mean that she can't counter attack you by words... she is in fact more smart than you in words... she loves you and your family more than she loves herself and that's why she is still the same in following the old culture when it comes to married life.
So whose mistake is this? Can we say that only people love each other and get married can lead a happy life? Or can we say, though arranged marriages happen only girls who are beautiful will be accepted by their partners and in-laws and others will experience these situations in their lives?Or all girls and guys life is same in present day? Or finally can we say that it’s the parents mistake who fail to understand their grown up kids what they want in their life? I would say the decision should be left with the children as they are the ones who is going to lead a happy life (may be!) after their parents.
So guys and girls, if you are married, accept it and try to lead a happy life with the partner that was chosen for you by your parents, if not lead a happy life with the partner whom you chose. Never try to hurt anyone for the life which you have got.. cos life is only once and you got to live it to the fullest. There is no point in repelling for whatever you have got in ur life. So realize this and be happy :)
“ Live and let live “
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